Shannen’s death has caused many women to come out with their story of their partners not being there for them during cancer.

Mine goes like this:

In 2018 I went through a routine mammogram which resulted in an ultrasound and then emergency biopsy in the same visit.

Three days later, fearing the worst, I opted not to drive and took public transport with my mother who was visiting, and my young daughters in tow, to the Royal Women’s hospital for my results. My doctor with his fingernail, circled the word cancer which he had written on a diagram of a women’s upper body.

I left his office to the large, full waiting room to share the news with my mother who gave me the most hollow hug I have ever felt in my life. Once we boarded the train home I finally called my then husband who was working in the U.S.. The first try there was no answer, the second time he answered and I’d woken him up. Although he knew when my appointment was, he didn’t offer support prior to it, or wait for the outcome of this important appointment. I spoke the word cancer to him which felt like speaking into a black hole.

With my impending first surgery on the immediate horizon, he chose to return to Australia originally the day of my surgery but after convincing on my part, arrived the day before.

On the day of surgery he pressed me for the Amazon password to download or buy something I have no idea. He then proceeded to argue with me over it when I didn’t comply with his demand.

I was so upset that day and I told him he didn’t need to drive me to the hospital and I lined up my friend Trish as a backup. After much deliberation, he drove me to the hospital.

My mother assisted him with the kids but I was on my own to recover from two surgeries. The second surgery happened about a week after the first, and then both my retired mother and my ex-husband flew back to the U.S. to resume their lives. I was alone to recover from surgeries and care for the kids who were 9 and 6.

During that time, I was healing and preparing for 6 weeks of radiotherapy and I no longer wanted the negative energy in the house while I went through the next phase. I was determined that after being left alone to recover, I could easily get myself through radiotherapy, and I did.

I decided while he was away working, to see a lawyer to start an official separation. We already slept in separate rooms. As I sat there providing details of our household and then his name, the lawyer stopped me and left the room. She returned to tell me she could not represent me. In that instant, I knew he had already secured a lawyer. Little did I know then, he’d gone to them 5 months earlier in 2017 and started diarising my every move. Then in January 2018 recruited my mother in diarising my moves while he was away working, and I was being diagnosed with cancer. He then recruited her in affidavit form against me during the divorce in mid 2018 in an attempt to get the immediate removal of the children to the U.S. using my health issues and accusing me of being an alcoholic and risk to the children. We know how that all played out but most don’t know what went on then.

I don’t remember leaving the lawyer’s building but I remember feeling gutted and hunched over on the sidewalk in shock. I got in my car and sat there crying. I called my mother who for the most part said she wanted to stay out of it. I then called my friend Trish who told me to cry and get it out of my system, and then call another lawyer. I did just that. That lawyer has been the one I relied on for the divorce and settlement, as well as the trial in November 2023 and hearings in 2024. 6 years of ongoing litigation.

If it weren’t for my friends and my small clothing business customers, and for the kids being my entire life, I don’t know how I would have gotten through it all.

Anyway, I know a thing or two about partners and even mothers abandoning you during cancer.

I will say this, cancer is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am happily remarried and have my beautiful girls under the same roof, in Australia, and I’d go through it all over again for this same outcome.